The Precious Super-Special-One-Of-A-Kind Dragon Cheese
Copyrighted 1999
Kjyra was busily searching the planet Ring-Dings for the pokemon Kryn when a dragon and boy with oddly colored hair flew out of a rip in the space-time continuum. (Have you noticed how it’s getting kinda normal for this to happen? These people have been watching too many commercials . . . . Makes ya wonder what their commercials are like, eh?)
“Hey, have either of you seen a Kryn?” asked Kjyra.
“What’s a Kryn?” asked the boy.
“It’s a new type of pokemon that looks kinda like a purin, but instead of singing its enemy to sleep, it takes out a pair of Sketchers and does a little dance. That confuses the enemy, and the Kryn pours a bottle of hotsauce all over the other pokemon.”
“Cool!” cried the boy.
“Who are you?” asked the dragon more practically.
“AAHH! It talks!”
“I--” Spyro started, but the girl was still screaming.
Just then, a creature poked its head out from around a tree.
“Hey, cool! A Jigglypuff!” cried Spike.
“A Kryn!” cried Kjyra.
They both ran towards it. The creature’s eyes went wide, and it fled into a forest.
“Come back!”
“It’s mine!”
“Mine!”
“MINE!”
The two stopped and faced each other.
“Mine!”
“Mine!”
“Hello?” asked Spyro. “Listen, I don’t know who you are, but my name’s Spyro. That’s Spike. I’m trying to catch a Gnorc that was carrying a hunk of precious cheese. Have you seen him?”
“My name’s Kjyra. And no, I haven’t seen your friend.”
“No, he’s not my friend. He stole the cheese. I need it back.” He explained the whole story. Kjyra laughed at the cottage cheese’s wit. Spyro knocked her on the head with his tail.
“Well, I was going to ask if you wanted to come along and help,” Spyro said to the unconscious girl, “but I guess you’re coming anyway.”
He and Spike dragged the girl to the rip in the space-time continuum, and took off to find Gnasty Gnorc.
Gnasty laughed to himself. “Heh heh heh! They’ll never find the cheese.”
Then, he turned on the electrical equipment he’d stolen and broadcasted a picture of himself to Spyro. The dragon had just landed on the planet Slushpuhpe and was looking around for Gnasty.
“Hello, Spyro!” called Gnasty. “So glad you found me.”
“What, you’re here?” asked Spyro, looking around.
“No, my little friend,” he answered, the word friend coming out as a sneer. “I’m on the world of Fruitcakes. In approximately fifteen seconds, and if you sing a song about doorknobs, you will be transported to this world and will be confronted in a showdown.”
“A song about doorknobs?” asked Spyro. “What is it with this weird music stuff? Throughout this entire day, everyone has wanted me to do something musical. Besides, I don’t know a song about doorknobs.”
“Too bad,” said the Gnorc smugly. “If you don’t sing, you will be blown up.”
“You wouldn’t!”
“Oh, really? You wanna test that theory?”
Spyro hesitated. Then he began to sing. “Doorknobs are happy, and cuddly, and they, uh, open doors! Oh, I love doorknobs, and Gnasty Gnorc’s brain is about as big as one. . .”
“I’m not taking any compliments from you!” roared the Gnorc.
“That wasn’t a compl--”
“Shut up! I am ready! Prepare to be moondust!”
“Where did that come from?”
“Sailor Moon. It’s my favorite TV show.”
“Ah.”
“Here we go!”
And suddenly, Spyro and his friends weren’t there anymore
::Continue::